The Scale

There aren't many words that have the power to make me cringe, but start talking "scale" and I break out in a cold sweat. As we have discussed, weight is subjective. It always has been for me. I use my clothing as a scale, and I like it this way. I have a great deal of muscle density, so the numbers that magically appear in front of me when weighing seem somehow skewed. It is nice to see people's eyes bug out a bit when I tell them how much I weigh, yet why should these numbers call for such a response in the first place?



My girlfriend and I got to talking about weight and scales last night at a swim meet. This is an uncomfortable conversation for me, and I was already gagging from the heat, so the scale topic only served to intensify my queasiness. And, it was steamy out! I was sticking to my chair and sweating like a pot bellied pig at a hog roast. I was blinded by the late afternoon sun and every time I got up out of my chair, I was having to pull my sundress off my butt like saran wrap on a plate at a summer pitch-in.



To make matters worse, the husbands decided to chime into OUR conversation. This is how it all went:


Friend: "I weigh myself right when I get up, at the same time and with no clothes on.

Me: "I weigh myself on Tuesday, at the gym, after I workout, with a towel on."

Friend's husband. "Yes, my wife is afraid that her underwear is going to add a few ounces to her bottom-line."

Me: "I'm thinking we need a scale because I'm not getting an accurate weigh in."

My husband: "Don't even think about putting a scale in our bathroom. We don't have enough room and I don't want it looking at me every morning before I take a shower."

Me: "No REALLY! I do need a scale in the bathroom because I haven't weighed myself at the gym in the last two weeks."

My husband: "Maybe you haven't weighed yourself at the gym because you are afraid of the numbers you are going to see."

Me: "I am going to get a scale for the bathroom so you are accountable and I can weigh myself naked in the comfort and privacy of my own home.

The last word was had by the boy's Uncle Charlie, "I will give you my scale."



Who would have thought so much time and energy could be put into "scale talk." This morning I decided to look up different kinds of scales and which one's were thought to be the most reliable.

Apparently, there are scales for everything! There is a scale for luggage, cats, food, worksheet, tolerance and the list goes on..................I decided to be more specific and put the word "people" into my search. This still was too broad, so I narrowed it down by googling "bathroom scale." I figured call it what it is! I then looked for reviews for bathroom scales and it turns out that the one at the top of the list not only measures body weight, but also fat and water percentages. The scale is made by Tanita, model # BF679W and costs $45.00. I'm pretty stoked on this, and I'm thinking about getting the model that yells at you when your fat percentage increases, yet your water retention decreases. I mean really, I need a food tracker-GPS system in my scale to holler at me for eating the last piece of cheese on the plate at a friend's house or sneaking back to the fridge for another piece of cake. I need a scale that comes with a gag or shock collar, so when I'm pumping a little more wine out of the box, I get a nasty little warning and can't swallow.

Then I thought, I am going about this all wrong! I will invest in this scale and wake up every morning knowing that I will walk that plank and I might not like what I see, but my husband will also be also be accountable for what HE is putting in HIS body, and this is PRICELESS!